Be who you are and be that well. -St. Francis de Sales

“The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire.” –Marshal Ferdinand Foch

I recently found this quote on one of the chapter headings of the novel I’m currently reading: CIA and espionage-type  book, quite exciting! It’s also helped my mind stay focused on other things these past few days, which has been really nice. I will explain some of the details of the past few days, but first, a rant by yours truly.

One of the things I’ve learned to a greater degree in my time here is that in passion, there is strength. This trip only worked out because I was so incredibly passionate about serving as a missionary in Africa. I’ve wanted to do so since I truly felt the presence of God in about 8^th grade and then after my first mission trip with my dad to the mountains of West Virginia, following my high school graduation. I was hooked. I am now at a very odd stage in life: I’m assuming most of you reading have been here, but I’ll explain. I just graduated from college, I’ve moved back home, but instead of readjusting to life under my parents roof as most post-grads, I’ve moved to Africa for the summer.  Bizzare? Yes. Doable? Hopefully. Scary? Indeed. While friends and classmates stressed over interviews and resumes, I laid back and watched gracious people like yourselves donate to my cause, because the only thing on my mind since January has been this mission. I knew I had a job at home and that would be okay until this passion, I’m trying to talk to you about, took over. I can be an enigma; I know that. If you know my parents, you’d understand why. My father, a silent rock of strength, smarter than most holding a PHD, and humorous in his own little way and my mother, loud, emotional, full of all motherly components, and with a heart the size of Texas (yes, that was for you, Jessica Haning) created me; a very good mix between. I become lazy when I’m not passionate. I lost my strong passion for playing basketball after repeated injuries. I lost my strong passion for the healthcare field after a semester of nursing. And, to be brutally honest with you readers, I lost my strong passion for the Lord after a really terrible year and a half. But, this little light of serving in Africa has never faltered. I am truly passionate about being here and I believe others saw that, that’s how I was able to come. I am still hoping that in my time here would reestablish my passion because without it, I am blank. The Lord is patient with me, I know that, and I am thankful to Him every day for instilling this passion for serving His Church and especially for this time here in Tanzania. Mother Teresa didn’t feel consolation from the Lord for yeeears and she served every day of her life and is now on her way to canonization.. so, I’m not too worried!

I just got word that I didn't get the big-kid job and although I’m a little bummed, I’m okay with it because I wasn't passionate about it. Most people focus on money in their careers and I understand that that is important; what I have learned in this month, more than anything, is that if I am passionate about something, all will be okay. I might not be the happiest, I might not be wealthy, I might not leave my name on any walls or plaques or buildings, I might not even be deemed successful—but I’ll be passionate. I wouldn’t call my mission 'successful' so far, I surely haven’t been happy the entire time, and I’ll be mostly broke by the time I come home.. but, I am passionate and that gives me a personal satisfaction that I cannot describe to you. I know I’m saying a lot of the same thing, but the simple things are what I’m being drilled on here and if you can grasp even a glimpse of the beauty of living a more simple life, I promise you that you will not only be more happy with your life, but you’ll be more passionate! As I’ve mentioned earlier, I don’t know what is in store for me, but I will look further into the passions that make me tick and I am confident I will find the place where I am fulfilled. 

This all really occurred to me this weekend/week because it’s been tough. Class two teachers have asked me not to teach anymore because they don’t think the kids are understanding me well enough, although the children haven’t said anything. This cut my classes in half. Then, all afternoon classes have been cancelled until the 20^th (Class 7 graduation) because they are practicing for it. This, too, cuts out many of my classes. So, many days, I have been very bored. No classes to teach, no kids to interact with.. just me and my brain (aka why you’re getting this rant!). But, I know there is a purpose in it all. I went to school on Friday and all classes were actually cancelled, so, I had got up for nothing.. but, the smallest child they have boarding there, Rhoda, came up to me and held my hand during the morning prayer and she wouldn’t let go. (She speaks no English, she is only 4) Her finger was bleeding, so, after the prayers, I pulled one of my Despicable Me band-aids from my backpack and placed it on her. Her face lit up like a Christmas tree. She left soon there after and I learned the next day that Rhoda has sickle-cell anemia. The life expectancy for someone w/ that disease in America is 43, so, I’m sure here.. it is at least cut in half, if not more. (Their average life expectancy here regularly is 45 for men and 48 for women, can you believe that?) So, it’s the little things, people. It’s giving Rhoda a band-aid and knowing that that simple act might have made her day.. and considering her days are sadly numbered, then I did my job that day. My passion was fulfilled. At mass on Sunday, I went here at school for the first time, and during the offertory, she saw me and ran up to me to hold my hand again, only for a little bit.. and there, still holding onto her little thumb, was the band-aid. I was not happy these past few days, I didn’t leave my name anywhere to be recognized, and I surely wasn’t successful..But, I loved Rhoda in the most simply passionate way I could. And that was enough.

I’ve thought about the passion I have for my sister while here almost on the daily. I run those lines from Horton Hatches an Egg through my head so often because it brings such comfort: “My goodness, my gracious, they shouted, my word! It's something brand new, It’s an elephant bird! And it should be, it should be, it should be like that, cus Horton was faithful, he sat and he sat. He meant what he said and he said what he meant, an elephant's faithful one hundred percent." (you should really read that book right now if you haven't already) My family took on a passion in fostering and adopting that precious little girl. I cannot explain the way that my blood still boils when I think about the suffering she’s endured. I am passionately in love with her and that passion would drive me to do just about anything for her. I know many families say that, especially those in Italian descent, but I wish you could grasp the passion I have for my Riley Bernadette. She has changed my life and through her, I’ve rearranged many of my own passions and realized what is truly important in life. I hope that someday she’ll grasp that I would not be the person I am today without her.

Rant over!

Otherwise this week, I’ve had my hair done at an African salon.. It took 4 hours and 3 bags of fake hair to create the African dreads I have upon my head. They are very heavy and sadly already starting to fall out, but it’s nice to not have to worry about how my hair looks considering my lack of running water here.  They aren’t like the dreads we see in America or ‘rasta’ dreads as they are called, but, moreso just thick braids all around my head that I’ve pulled up into a bun/ponytail/mess hahaha

I met with Fr. Simon yesterday to discuss plans for the rest of my time here-just a pinch over two weeks, can you believe it? Won’t you miss my ranting-blogging-ways?! There is an ordination for a priest here in town on Friday and it is a very big deal. Many priests from all over will be here and Fr. said he will arrange for a ride for me on Saturday morning to go to Rulenge for the week to serve at the orphanage. I will be staying with a priest friend of his, who actually picked me up from the airport with Fr.; his name is Fr. Ignus. The orphanage has 3 or 4 European post-grad helpers, too, so that will be nice to have some community and socialization for a week! They do have a lot of hands for helping right now though, so, I hope to also visit the Missionaries of Charity’s orphanage just about 3 miles from there. I’ve never encountered such joy as I did when working with them in Italy in 2010. I will stay there until July 20^th, so, one week total, and then return here to Biharamulo and stay back at Fr. Simon’s to go around and say all my good-byes. I was thankful that he suggested that so I can have time to say good-bye to all those I became close to, especially Boniface, Mama Bonita and their family. He also wanted me to be among friends for my birthday which is on the 23^rd! I also appreciate that! African birthday celebration; bring it on! Father’s birthday is this Thursday, so I will be having two celebrations back to back with that and the ordination!

It’ll hopefully be a little bit of a busier two weeks until I am on a plane back to America. I imagine the time will fly. I can’t imagine the time that it will take to grasp all of the things I’ve seen, experienced, and learned here. It will probably be a hard adjustment back to home.. I’ve not only just moved back from college, but, now I also have this experience on top of all that. Be patient, parents, as I am most definitely 'under construction.'

Oh boy, this was much longer than I intended.. I guess I did inherit the ‘talker’ gene from my mother.. I hope that this blog has tickled some passion inside of you. I don’t care if it’s something ridiculous like going to Tanzania with a priest you only met for a week, or something simple like finding more time for appreciating art. Follow that little spark inside you as far as you can, even if you’re an older adult—you can still do it! I believe that discovering your passions in life can make you a much more content person; I’ve lived out one of my greatest passions here in Tanzania, and I cannot wait to discover the other passions I have still buried within me.