I've had the fortune of a 2nd chance, I know the reason that we all should dance.

"I need the fear of a love that’s lost, I need to stop trying to count the cost

I need to fight on the losing side, and always hold true.. I will always stay with you.

Til we know the pain of a broken heart, we can’t walk through fires we didn’t start

Just hold on to the way it is tonight. And learn to love through the darkness and the light

I’m on your side."

I know I’ve been hardcore copying lyrics and such in many of my writings, but, music is an incredibly beautiful way to express yourself… andddd I really miss being able to listen to it, so I just pull lyrics from the vast file folders of music that reside in my brain. The title of this blog and following are from one of my absolute favorite songs, Learn to Love by Needtobreathe. I would really suggest you listen to it whenever you need to feel inspired or hope-filled.. or just right now while you read this even! : ) I’ve been able to apply this song to lots of different aspects of my life in the past few years, but ,especially now as well. I firmly believe that one cannot love with their whole being until they’ve lost a part of their heart. And then this magical thing happens, where the heart tissue regrows itself and becomes a million times stronger and more full. We can’t understand anothers tribulations and trials without experiencing something similar. It’s not about sympathy, it’s about empathy. I hold this philosophy in America, but, it’s been interesting to see it unravel here in Africa, too. No, I’ve never gone hungry. No, I’ve never not had shelter. No, I’ve never been an orphan. But, the crosses I have been asked to bear already have come in handy here. I can relate, maybe not on the same intense level, which cannot be expected since I’m from another country, but I can at least put my broken-but-healing heart out there. I can show them love, not from just a sympathetic pat on the back, but we can share one anothers scars. But, most importantly, what I can do is give them HOPE. One of my favorite Bible verses is from Romans 5.. ‘and hope does not disappoint’. If we hold fast to hope, we cannot be disappointed; disappointment cowers in the face of hope.

But, although these people and kids I’m encountering do have so much suffering to bear, the 2^nd verse from ‘Learn to Love’ applies even better, found in the title. ‘I know the reason that we all should dance’—do you? Do you know why you should be joyful enough to dance every day? I shan’t write why, that’s for you to ponder on your own. But, these people have it. I’m still mystified that every 3^rd world country I’ve visited seem to grasp this concept better than any 1^st world country I’ve experienced. It’s just amazing!

I finished working with the Missionaries of Charity this afternoon. I can’t explain to you how full my heart is. These women are incredible. If you’ve never had the chance to encounter them, I’d really ask you to consider making a trip to one of the many convents in the United States. I’d really like to experience them in my own country soon. They have an orphanage and an elderly women’s home in the convent. I went to mass both mornings at 6:30 AM and then started my day. The children and I could not communicate, but, all the sisters speak English (Mother Teresa required it) so that was fine. I helped with both age groups.. there was a baby-ward and then a young kids one as well. The conditions were much better than the local diocesan orphanage and they seemed to be taken care of better. I could write about my experiences there for hours.. but, I will only write about one thing, which happens to be one of the hardest things I’ve done since I’ve been here.  There were 3 new children that came to the orphanage in the last week, all due to malnutrition; they were 2, 3, and 4. The one little boy, Rasheed, would have been diagnosed with some type of failure to thrive in America. He just didn’t try to do anything and it was quite sad. When I dried him off from his bath and put new clothes on him, he didn’t try to help or move his limbs. He didn’t smile much or talk even. He is the 2 year old and should know how to feed himself, but wouldn’t. I assisted with feeding the littler guys but then was asked to help him out. I really fell in love with him then because you could tell that behind his little eyes, he was in there, just trying to cope with everything that had happened to him.  That afternoon after his nap, while I was holding him on the playground, he started to violently shake and he kept grabbing his chest. He also became very hot, very fast. I immediately ran him to a matron and she to a sister. They laid him down, hoping that would help him, but then he began to vomit uncontrollably and I had to remove him from it because they did not notice and he began to choke. I offered to take him to the hospital myself, but, they said that wasn’t necessary. Wasn’t necessary?! I was very upset.  I cleaned him up and calmed him down until he fell asleep. I cried while holding him, expecting him to pass away before I saw him again.. death in the first few years of life here is sadly common and I had never seen a child become so ill so quickly. I told him I loved him in Swahili and left, still upset by the matter.  I had to leave before he woke, but, sister promised they’d give him medicine upon waking and if it didn’t help, they’d take him to the hospital. I was worried sick until returning back this morning that my little guy wouldn’t make it through the night, but, I was so relieved when I saw his big ol’ head this morning. But, what an intense few hours and what fear came upon me during such. I’m so thankful he is alright now, but, please keep him and all the children of Africa in your prayers, please. I don’t know how I would have handled little Rasheed dying, but, it is a terribly reality for many parents every day here. All seven sisters took a break from their prayer day (Thursdays are always a day of prayer for the MOC’s) to say good-bye to me and they even let me take a picture of them! (which is usually not allowed) Their ministry is so beautiful, I cannot wait to be able to serve with them again.

I come home in one week from today. Boy does time fly! Today is also my mother’s birthday and my parents anniversary—please pray for them both! (I know, she was nuts to be married on her birthday, but, my dad is lucky to only have to remember one date! Ha-ha!) I cannot really comprehend all I’ve learned and experienced, especially just in this last week! I am still so young, with so much of a future ahead of me, but I feel like my life has been dramatically altered. I can’t possibly be the same. As Needtobreathe reminds me, fighting on the losing side isn’t always a bad thing.. I’ve learned so much from this country and staying on Tanzania's 'side', even if it may be a losing one to the rest of the world, will keep me humble and focused on the true meaning of service and love. I know that a piece of my heart, a large piece in fact, of me will stay right here. And that is perfectly okay.