"Holy angels of the sanctuary, pray for me til I return."

Some life lessons you learn from family never stick and some stay engrained forever. It seems the phrases my grandma taught me are the ones that stick best. The title of this blog is the prayer she drilled into me from a very young age; whenever you go into a Church, you’re to say it and whether you come back the following Sunday or never again.. the angels surrounding the altar will keep your memory close. This prayer brought me to my knees at the Church in Rulenge this week.. I’ve prayed in hundreds of Churches, in approximately 19 countries, famous ones like Sacre Coeur in Paris, the Church of apparitions in Medj, and in front of St. Paul’s chains at a Church in Rome.. but never have I cried through this prayer like I did in the Chapel in Rulenge this week. I do not know if I will return there, but, those angels need to keep a piece of my heart safe, just in case.  This past week has utterly transformed my life and I’m not quite ready to come home.

Prepare yourselves for quite a blog! Decided to give you a nice and long one, since this will most likely be my last.

On Friday the 19^th, I had quiteee a day. I started at the Diocesan orphanage where shouts of ‘Woawo! Woawo!’ (Children’s Swahili for HUG ME!) came from many of my favorite kids. Kati wanted me to see what she has been doing for the year, so, I went to her work after a bit. She works for an organization named Caritas, which mainly helps disabled children and adults; her work varies from day to day, but, Friday is Clinic Day, when people come to receive medication and/or referrals to the hospital. It was very difficult to see the physically handicapped and how they suffer so greatly here in Tanzania. Elephantiasis is surprisingly common, due to the male mosquito I believe, so I saw many cases of that. The hardest case I saw all day was a terribly upset mother carrying her Hydrocephalus child with a spinal injury ; she was referred to Mwanza (an 8 hour and very expensive trip for someone from Rulenge) and when she got there, the doctors would not see her child because she did not have 100,000 TSH. That is an incredibly large amount of money here in Tanzania; people don’t make that in a year. (Equivalent to about $65) She then returned the whole way home and with absolutely no help. (Supposedly her child was born fine and then underwent a simple procedure for something and there were major complications). He was so very cute and happy, but, his life expectancy is so low and it was very difficult to experience.

After working in the morning, Francie and Marcel wanted to take me to the next town over (about an hour away), Ngara, to see WomenCraft. WomenCraft is an organization where very poor women create beautiful baskets, trivets, etc and the proceeds support themselves; they are all over the world, I believe. We also took Sr. Matilda, the English speaking nun from the orphanage. The trip over was very humorous. We were planning to take one of the dolla-dollas (the taxis I said I’d never go in because it’s like a clown car) but then one of the priests was headed in that direction, so we tagged along. He turned on a CD with German and American rap on it, most of which was very inappropriate. Supposedly it was music from Marcel’s computer that he did not want.. I’m still confused on how Fr. got it, but he greatly enjoyed listening to it.. try to image a middle-aged priest and nun in the front, bobbling up and down from the insane roads, jamming to 50 cent’s In Da Club. HAHAHAHA so funny. After the WomenCraft experience, we went around town and we ate dinner there..  I finally had a very African staple, Chips Mayae, which is eggs and fried banana put together on a plate. It was very good, smothered in Chili sauce! We did have to take that taxi home, which wasn’t as bad as I expected, and then I stayed over at the Volunteer House for the night! SLEEPOVER! :) Marcel and I stayed up late talking life things and he graciously gave me seasons 2-6 of Criminal Minds (in English) that he had on his computer!

Saturday I slept in pretty late and then helped the volunteers bottle honey which they do to help support a local teenage runaway. (He sells it at the market on Saturdays).  We then went to the market ourselves, which was also an experience! Francie and I had shoes made out of old tires for only $2! They’re very comfortable on my feet, but, I still have bad blisters, so, my feet are all bandaged up still. I really enjoyed the chill-ness of the day.. we returned home and just hung out, talking, laughing, and then they played guitar and we sang some songs together. All that was missing was a campfire! We decided to go out for dinner to the local bar since it was my last night and we took many of the men from the formation house (they will start seminary next year). The electricity was out when we got there because the hospital was performing an emergency surgery and needed all of the back-up generator assistance. Can you imagine a hospital in America not having enough electricity for one surgery? We all decided that was a worthy cause to have us eat in the dark. I had chips mayae again.. I might have to try and make it when I get home, but will probably have to use potatoes instead of bananas, since we don’t have the correct kind.

Sunday was an emotional-filled day. I accompanied Kati and Marcel to a Protestant service, which I thought was very important to see that side of the African culture.. to be honest with you, it was very difficult to sit through. It was like massively  extreme charismatic s for two and a half hours.. but even worse because they were all screaming in a language I couldn’t understand.. or maybe it was better that way?.. still.. It got under my skin even more as I’ve thought about it, and by no means am I hatin on the Protestants, I am an all-kinds-of-religion-lover. I’ve had this problem with the Catholic Church more often than I’d like to admit in the past 5 years. I don’t know many verses of the Bible by heart, but, I do know excerpts of Matthew 6 and it is my personal opinion that the Lord is going to have this one on the check-list at the gates of heaven.  “And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners that they may be seen. They’ve had their reward. But, when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you… And in praying, do not store empty phrases as the Gentiles do, for they think they will be heard for their many words.” All of chapter six addresses this issue. I know the Bible gives us a million different verses on prayer, but I find Matt 6 to be fundamental. It also addresses the same thing I struggled with one of the earlier Americans with: when you do something good, even if in the Church, you don’t need to tell everyone. I’m always very embarrassed when my family brags about the missions I’ve been on, especially since my mother is infamous for giving mine or Ri’s life-story at grocery stores, hair dressers, Target check-outs, etc.. because it’s not me doing it and I can’t take any credit. I’m a flawed human being.. and I still don’t know why He picked me!  I admire my father’s faith very much. He might not think that.. annnd now I’m publicizing it on the internet, but, it’s true. (Sorry if this embarrasses you, pops, but, I gotta say it) I have a good feeling he doesn’t know Matthew 6 like I do, but, he embraces it better than most. He keeps it to himself, but, he’s faithful—he hasn’t let trials and tribulations stay in his way between him and the Big Man upstairs. He doesn’t tell you to do this or that to make you a better Catholic, because it’s between you and Him—praying to your heavenly Father in ssecret. My earthly father’s silent love is beautiful and I think everyone can learn something from him. Conversion isn’t done through preaching at someone, it’s about a conversion of the heart, it’s about relationships, it’s about LOVE. Don’t stand on your high-horse and say what a good Catholic you are, please, I beg you--it gives Catholicism a very, very bad rapt. I struggled with this immensely at Franciscan. This incredible Catholic University was to increase my faith through four years, but, through the selfish and boasting attitudes of so many I encountered (students and faculty alike), the last years were very hard. I know the Faith isn’t about the people, but, it’s hard not to be influenced by them when you’re trusting in the sound Catholicism of the school. I’m not saying I’m right and I’m not saying that everything I believe is 400% in line with the Catechism of the Catholic Faith. But, I’ve seen a lot and I’ve experienced a lot. I’ve seen brokenness some of you will never be able to comprehend, not just here in Tanzania, but even at home. And all I know is, the attitude that Christ is speaking against in Matthew 6 is too common nowadays and it is driving many from the Church. The beautiful thing about my dual degrees in Psychology and Theology is that it’s given me a range of opportunities and classes to understand both how the mind (and therefore emotions, memories, feelings, etc) coincide with religion, which is why I’m so enamored with the theological aspect of hope in suffering (and why I did my thesis on it!). Oh, I feel like this is just becoming a ramble now, but, I hope my point is coming across. I know I’m young, but I’m not under-experienced.. I’ve seen firsthand what LOVE ALONE can do. Stop smacking people with your Bibles and hurtful words and open your damn hearts.

The other emotional aspect of my Sunday was saying good-bye to my German friends. I invited them all to my house in America if they ever have the opportunity to come, but, it’s likely I’ll never see them again and that was hard to muster . They’ve given me so much in just one week. I’m so grateful for their hearts and home the past week and they definitely made my stay in Rulenge unforgettable.

My birthday is tomorrow, July 23^rd. I show my only-childness when it comes to my birthday.. I really like it. So, when I booked my flight home for two days afterrrr I turn 22, I was a little bummed. However, Fr. Simon kicked me out of the house today to ‘plan some surprises’ for tomorrow, so that was very special. I went and visited the hospital today and the gorgeous Dr. Gressmus told me he’s been invited and and I quote “wouldn’t miss the most beautiful girl in Africa’s birthday for the world”. Welp, there was my big birthday gift! Wooooo. I miss home very much, especially my Riley, but I am nervous to come back. The things I’ve experienced have dramatically altered me and I’m not sure how I’ll be able to cope back at home. OH! And I forgot to mention.. remember that big kid job I told you about? Well, I got an email recently and said the other person fell through, so, I have an interview upon returning home… and removing my braids.. hahaha :P I also have another interview for a campus minister position, too. The Lord has taken care of me while I’m here and I’m very greatful for that. I didn’t suffer any major medical concerns, I was only robbed of money once and nothing else was stolen, and He’s setting up opportunities for work when I return home. I’m a lucky girl.

My flight leaves at 12:45 AM on Thursday, putting me in Istanbul, Turkey at 10 AM, and then DC at 6:30 PM, with the time difference. You will all be awake when my flight leaves (5:45 PM on Wednesday the 24^th) so please say a prayer for safe travels! Thank you for following my blog these past two months, especially for your kind comments and words that filled me with hope. Thank you for your silent prayers and sacrifices that I don’t know about, but, gave me strength in the difficult days. I hope to speak to any of you that would like to upon my homecoming. I can’t believe my time has come to end. But, as grandma taught me so well, I know the angels will pray for me here until I return.

Love, Erin.